Thursday, October 3, 2013

Control

Disclaimer: I've been working on this post for 24 hours and it still is just a confusing jumble of my random thoughts. Sorry! I think it's time to hit publish and just let it be.

It's been a week since I updated this blog (longer, actually, since I scheduled my grilled pizza post before I went on vacation). We had a nice vacation and I'll get around to posting about it eventually, but there's something else I want to talk about that has been weighing heavily on me for weeks now and has only gotten worse with a recent event in my life.

(via)

Control. I feel that I don't have any and I don't know how to get it back. On the first night of our vacation, our home was robbed. Our garbage disposal was broken and I had submitted a maintenance request to our rental company before we left home. When the maintenance guy showed up on Tuesday afternoon, our front door had been kicked in. Our television, Xbox, and Brandon's laptop had been taken. The work of teenagers, the cops said. They likely had been watching us and knew that we would be gone.

We didn't come home from vacation and my friend Andrew was kind enough to go over to the house to take care of things for us, but the rest of the week was spent talking about the robbery, going through the motions of getting our items replaced (we have renters insurance so thankfully that wasn't a huge issue), and wondering what else we would find when we did come home. I dreamed about being robbed two nights in a row and I thought about it constantly when I was awake. We came home on Sunday and it took me nearly 3 hours to fall asleep that night.

On Monday, Brandon purchased a security system for our home and spoke to the rental company about installing some motion lights on the front and back of the house, along with some additional security precautions since they weren't willing to help with the security system.They came to the house and installed two lights and a door reinforcement. Then I received a bill, without warning, charging us for everything they installed. When I called to inquire about why we were charged without notice, the property manager was very rude to me and told me I was 'ridiculous' to assume they would pay. I got off the phone feeling helpless.

There are over 6 million reported cases of theft in the United States each year and I know our story isn't anything special and it's certainly not as bad as it could have been. I am grateful that it wasn't much, much worse! However, the fact remains that I can't seem to figure out how to regain control. I live a pretty simple, low profile life. I don't take a lot of risks. I like schedules and plans and setting goals. Even so, someone I do not know walked through my house on a night that I wasn't home and took advantage of us. Even so, I glare at each person who passes by our home, because I don't trust any of them. We're bound by a contract to stay right where we are when all I want to do is move away from this house, away from this town, and start all over again. (A little dramatic, I know. But honest!)

Has anyone else out there had any experience dealing with a break in or robbery? If so, I'd love to know how you restored your peace of mind and regained a feeling of control over your life. My feelings extend to other things besides being robbed, but it's a place to start. My best guest is that the answer I'm looking for is time.

"Time will take it all and it will you'll see." - Iron & Wine