Thursday, February 3, 2011

confessional

i have been reflecting a lot this week on my flaws. i know exactly what my greatest flaws are (as will you, shortly), yet i rarely do anything to attempt to correct them. i've decided that maybe now is a good time to embrace and change some of mine and perhaps you will be inspired to do the same.

i bet you've heard the quote "i myself am entirely made of flaws, stitched together with good intentions." but do you know who said those words? his name is augusten burroughs and he is a fascinating individual. i googled him and found his website. you should check it out. anyway, i digress.

i have three very troublesome flaws that i would like to confess today:

I HAVE NO PATIENCE. none. zip. zero. zilch. i want what i want and i want it now. actually, i probably wanted it yesterday. this could be something as simple as waiting on a friend to get ready to go out to dinner or as complex as wanting to know who i'm going to marry. (both of those things i am super impatient about!) i am very self motivated and #independent. i like to move at my own pace (literally... all of my friends tell me i walk too fast) and it bothers me when other people aren't keeping up. i have struggled, especially recently, to remember that there is a plan for my life that i need to follow at God's pace, not my own. i am learning to be more patient, but it is difficult and it is certainly my greatest flaw.

I CARE TOO MUCH WHAT OTHER PEOPLE THINK. this has been a flaw of mine for as long as i can remember. i'm (secretly?) self conscious. i hate the feeling of being judged and i live in constant fear that somebody doesn't like me. one time, on the first day of class for the semester, i left my class schedule at the apartment and couldn't remember which classroom i was supposed to be in. when i finally figured it out, i was afraid to go to the room and walk in 10 minutes late because the students would be judging me. so instead, i didn't go at all. isn't that crazy? that happened three years ago and i'd like to think that i've gotten better since then, but you get the picture. i care. a lot. i need to start believing in the confidence that i possess deep down there somewhere.

I AM A GOOD LIAR. this may sound odd/surprising at first, but i truly believe that it is one of my greatest flaws. i have the unfortunate gift of being able to make people believe things that simply aren't true. i don't do it all the time, of course! but i have, in the past, been known to blatantly ignore the truth because i know that i can. maybe i should work for the cia as a spy! in all seriousness, this is something that i need to change. for the lies i have told, i apologize.

what are your flaws?

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